My mental pain is turning physical… I hurt all over. I smile and laugh so people don’t know how I truly feel.
My mental pain is turning physical… I hurt all over. I smile and laugh so people don’t know how I truly feel.
So, everything seems to be falling out of place. The puzzle pieces keep disappearing.
I was having a difficult time with my dad earlier this semester. My engine blew. He wanted to help. I asked him to keep it under X dollar amount. He wet over it, doubled why I asked to stay under. I was working more, and struggling with my grades. He yelled at me for putting miles on the car. For working so much. For staying at school to study.
Then, I started coming home. Home is a one bedroom apartment with three people living in it. His girlfriend just moved all of her stuff in there. It’s crowded. I had the couch. That’s it, besides the floor around the couch. That was where my clothes, books, ect stayed. I was not allowed to do x, y, and z. Basically cut back time for studying and strict rules that I had to follow. When I true to talk to him, he would push his point and that settled everything. No, wrong, you just said what you wanted to happen. I need to do this so I can pass. Oh, I’m sorry. You’re right. If I continue to do what I am doing I will pass, even though I have lowered my grade two letter grades since I have been staying here, all of 6 weeks. Okay.
I went to my boyfriends house during spring break and tried to study as much as you possible could in a week. Then dad started to get angry and send text. The message was to come home. Okay. Go home, he has written on the calendar “no word from Sam, or morgue.”
Okay really? He gets home from work saying he has been watching the news to see if the car was on the side of the road from a crash. Seriously? I have not been living in your house, been driving a piece of crap car, more dangerous than the one I driving now, and you now worry about me crashing or something happening? Okay………
Then you say the payment is this a month. I explain I only make half of that. “Make it work” is your reply. Though you don’t want me to work so much. Go to boyfriends for the weekend. You text and say to come
Home Monday. I do. You say we will have a talk and I better keep my
Smart mouth in check because I “will not disrespect you.”
Because that is what I do. Okay. When we talk you tell me I am actin childish for going toy boyfriends. That I should listen to all you have to say and follow exactly how you say it. I try to explain I am falling behind in classes and cannot afford to fail. This school will kick me out if I fail. You say that you want me home because going anywhere else will cause me to fail. Umm, no. I have been at my boyfriends and friends houses and have been passing and just fine. Sometimes money is tight but I am doing just fine. You say no. I am acting like a child. I ask how? You say for not passing!!!! I have been trying to tell you I ONLY HAVE STARTED FAILING SINCE I HAVE BEEN HERE!!!!!! You say I lie. No. I had a B when I got stuck here after my engine blew. Now I have a D. You say if the car is too much to sell it. I say it is, you say give it a few days. I did. I tried to talk to to you again. You wouldn’t listen. I had to be at work that Thursday. I had a friend pick me up. I left a note, the insurance card, and the keys. I am sorry I don’t want to hurt you but I want you to sell the car. You said you have someone who wants to buy it, okay. Sell it.
You’re angry, you tell me to change my phone over, your canceling the insurance for me, take care of myself. Oh and thanks for screwing you with the car even though I said I wouldn’t. Ummmm……. Did you not just say 2 days ago you had someone who wanted to buy it??????? “Yes but they already bought a car. To late now.”
Then you call mom to get a hold of me. Okay. Because she has a hold on me so well at this point? She agrees with me… She called me to laugh and say you cried when you read my note to her. I didn’t want to make you cry. You weren’t listening to me. I know what works for me when it comes to school. Why won’t you listen to me?
Now you are being salty. Wanting money. You still have a good portion of my money from school. I have been giving it to you over the past two years to hold onto so I could use it when needed. But I owe you. You put on Facebook that it would be nice to have the two payments you made on the car back, since you were trying to be nice.
I also failed out of school. I own you money. I need to pay back these loans. I am a server and hardly making money. My boyfriend is paying for everything because I have $20 to my name. When I tell you this, I don’t get a response. The next day you post something on Facebook about me without using my name.
I feel like I have lost everything. I have a few friends and my boyfriend and that’s it. No more school. People already deleted me off Facebook who I thought were my friends, after they found out I failed. Lets keep kicking me while I am down? Sounds like a good plan. Who wants to join?
PAPER CHAIN PROJECT
- For every day you go without self harming or purging, add a colourful link to the paper chain
- If you relapse, just add a white link to to the chain and carry on the chain without any disruption
- Over time the paper chain will grow in length and you can see your progress, and see that even if you do relapse, the are still days you go without hurting yourself. The colourful links.
- Over time and through your recovery watch the amount of coloured links begin to increase, and the amount of white links begin to decrease.
- If you feel like hurting yourself, look at the paper chain and realise just how far you’ve made it, and realise that if you’ve resisted before you can do it again :)
- Please reblog, this could help someone towards recovery. ❤
So this last week has been spent studying for finals. The amount of time was exhausting me. But not as much as the amount of items that were on this test.
Test is done. I am happy.
Now the excruciating wait as out instructors take forever to post the grades.
It wouldn’t be so bad of a wait if i had something to do. But I don’t. I have spent so much time studying, I don’t know what to do now.
Maybe lose myself to a good book. Any suggestions?
Meeting your Spirit Guide(s) - Guided Meditation
Just tried this - amazing.
Saw my dog I grew up with playing in the grass with a waterfall in the background, let me know who/what you guys meet :)
I seen a bear, wolf, and a tiger. They were looking at me like they have been waiting too long
I may try this
Can’t get to the gym but want to workout? Not a problem! Save this link and open it up anytime you’re in a need of a kick-butt, in-home workout. Mix and match your favorite moves to create a 30 to 40 minute routine and you’ll have yourself a calorie-scorching workout that’s just as good (if not better!) as any workout you can do at the gym. Plus, you’ll save valuable time not having to get to and from the gym. Sweet deal!
[image via Greatist]
- 1. Inchworm: Stand up tall with the legs straight, and do like Lil’ Jon and let those fingertips hit the floor. Keeping the legs straight (but not locked!), slowly lower the torso toward the floor, and then walk the hands forward. Once in a push-up position, start taking tiny steps so the feet meet the hands. Continue bugging out for 4-6 reps.
- 2. Tuck Jump: Standing with the knees slightly bent, jump up as high as possible (pretendJeremy Lin is watching!) and bring the knees in toward the chest while extending the arms straight out. Land with the knees slightly bent and quickly jump (on it) again!
- 3. Bear Crawl: Embrace that inner grizzly. Starting on the hands and knees, rise up onto the toes, tighten the core, and slowly reach forward with the right arm and right knee, followed by the left side. Continue the crawl for 8-10 reps (or until you scare your roommates off).
- 4. Plyometric Push-Up: Ready to catch some air? Start on a well-padded surface and complete a traditional push-up. Then, in an explosive motion, push up hard enough to come off the floor (and hang ten for a second!). Once back on solid ground, immediately head into the next repetition.
- 5. Stair Climb with Bicep Curl: Turn those stairs into a cardio machine — no magic wand necessary. Grab some dumbbells (or household objects!) and briskly walk up and down the stairway while simultaneously doing bicep curls to work the whole body.
- 6. Mountain Climber: Starting on your hands and knees, bring the left foot forward directly under the chest while straightening the right leg. Keeping the hands on the ground and core tight, jump and switch legs. The left leg should now be extended behind the body with the right knee forward. Next up? Everest.
- 7. Prone Walkout: Beginning on all fours with the core engaged, slowly walk the hands forward, staying on the toes but not moving them forward. Next, gradually walk the hands backwards to the starting position, maintain stability and balance. (This dance comes next.)
- 8. Burpees: One of the most effective full-body exercises around, this one starts out in a low squat position with hands on the floor. Next, kick the feet back to a push-up position, complete one push-up, then immediately return the feet to the squat position. Leap up as high as possible before squatting and moving back into the push-up portion of the show.
- 9. Plank: Nope, we’re (thankfully) not walking the plank. Lie face down with forearms on the floor and hands clasped. Extend the legs behind the body and rise up on the toes. Keeping the back straight, tighten the core and hold the position for 30-60 seconds (or as long as you can hang).
- 10. Plank-to-Push-Up: Starting in a plank position, place down one hand at a time to lift up into a push-up position, with the back straight and the core engaged. Then move one arm at a time back into the plank position (forearms on the ground). Repeat, alternating the arm that makes the first move.
- 11. Wall Sit: Who needs a chair when there’s a wall? Slowly slide your back down a wall until the thighs are parallel to the ground. Make sure the knees are directly above the ankles and keep the back straight. Go for 60 seconds per set (or however long it takes to turn those legs to jelly). Need more fire? Add some bicep curls.
- 12. Lunge: Stand with the hands on the hips and feet hip-width apart. Step the right leg forward andslowly lower your body until the right knee is close to or touching the floor and bent at least 90 degrees. Return to the starting position and repeat with the left leg. Try stepping back into the lunge for a different variation.
- 13. Clock Lunge: Time for a challenge.Complete a traditional forward lunge, then take abig step to the right and lunge again. Finish off the semicircle with a backwards lunge, then return to standing. And all that’s one rep! Aim for 10 reps and then switch legs.
- 14. Lunge-to-Row: Start by doing a normal lunge. Instead of bringing that forward leg back to the starting position, raise it up off the floor while lifting the arms overhead. The leg should remain bent at about 90 degrees. Add weights to really bring the heat.
- 15. Lunge Jump: Ready to impress some friends? Stand with the feet together and lunge forward with the right foot. Jump straight up, propelling the arms forward while keeping the elbows bent. While in the air, switch legs and land in a lunge with the opposite leg forward. Repeat and continue switching legs. Try to do 10!
- 16. Curtsy Lunge: Let’s show a little respect. When lunging, step the left leg back behindthe right, bending the knees and lowering the hips until the right thigh is almost parallel to the floor. Remember to keep the torso upright and the hips square.
- 17. Squat: Stand with the feet parallel or turned out 15 degrees — whatever is most comfortable. Slowly start to crouch by bending the hips and knees until the thighs are at least parallel to the floor. Make sure the heels do not rise off the floor. Press through the heels to return to a standing position.
- 18. Pistol Squat: There may be no gun permit necessary for this one, but it’s still no joke. Stand holding the arms straight out in front of the body, and raise the right leg, flexing the right ankle and pushing the hips back. Then lower the body while keeping the right leg raised. Hold (have fun with that), then return to standing.
- 19. Squat Reach and Jump: Ready to add some pizzazz (and cardio!) to that squat? Perform a normal squat, but immediately jump up, reaching the arms straight overhead. Aim for 15 reps, taking a quick breather before the next set.
- 20. Chair Squat Pose: Stand with the feet hip-distance apart and squat until the thighs are parallel to the floor while swinging the arms up. Straighten the legs, then lift up the right knee while swinging the left arm outside the right knee. Return to standing and repeat on the other side.
- 21. Step-Up: This may be self-explanatory, but just in case — find a step or bench, and place the right foot on the elevated surface. Step up until the right leg is straight (do it for Channing!), then return to start. Repeat, aiming for 10-12 reps on each side.
- 22. Single Leg Deadlift: Start in a standing position with the feet together. Lift the right leg slightly, and lower the arms and torso while raising the right leg behind the body. Keep the left knee slightly bent and reach the arms as close to the floor as possible. Raise the torso while lowering the right leg. Switch legs.
- 23. Quadruped Leg Lift: Starting on the hands and knees, keep a flat back and engage the core. Raise the left leg straight back, stopping when the foot is hip-level and the thigh parallel to the floor. Balance for as long as possible, then raise the bottom right toe off the floor, tightening the butt, back, and abs (try to be graceful here!). Hold for up to 10 seconds, then switch legs.
- 24. Calf Raise: From a standing position, slowly rise up on the toes, keeping the knees straight and heels off the floor. Hold briefly, then come back down. Aaaand repeat. Try standing on something elevated (like a step) to achieve a wider range of motion.
Chest & Back
- 25. Standard Push-Up: There’s a reason this one’s a classic. With hands shoulder-width apart, keep the feet flexed at hip distance, and tighten the core. Bend the elbows until the chest reaches the ground, and then push back up (make sure to keep the elbows tucked close to the body). That’s one!
- 26. Dolphin Push-Up: Start out in dolphin pose(think: down-dog with elbows on the floor). Lean forward, lowering the shoulders until the head is over the hands. Pull up the arms and return to the starting position. (No ocean necessary.)
- 27. Donkey Kick: It’s time to embrace that wild side. Start in a push-up position, with the legs together. Tighten the core and kick both legs into the air with knees bent, reaching the feet back toward the glutes. Just try to land gently when reversing back to the starting position.
- 28. Handstand Push-Up: Fair warning: This move is for the pros. Get set in a headstand positionagainst a wall and bend the elbows at a 90-degree angle, doing an upside down push-up (so the head moves toward the floor and the legs remain against the wall). First timer? Grab a friend to spot you —safety first!
- 29. Judo Push-up: From a push-up position, raise up those hips and in one swift movement (Hai-yah!) use the arms to lower the front of the body until the chin comes close to the floor. Swoop the head and shoulders upward and lower the hips, keeping the knees off the ground. Reverse the move to come back to the raised-hip position. Try to repeat for 30-60 seconds.
- 30. Reverse Fly: For DIY dumbbells, grab two cans or bottles of water. Stand up straight, with one foot in front of the other and the front knee slightly bent. With palms facing each other and the abs engaged, bend forward slightly from the waist and extend arms out to the side, squeezing the shoulder blades. Repeat.
- 31. Superman: Want some superpowers?Lie face down with arms and legs extended. Keeping the torso as still as possible, simultaneously raise the arms and legs to form a small curve in the body. Cape optional.
- 32. Contralateral Limb Raises: Sounds fancy, huh? Here’s the breakdown: Lie on your stomach with the arms outstretched and palms facing one another. Slowly lift one arm a few inches off the floor, keeping it straight without rotating the shoulders and keeping the head and torso still. Hold the position, then lower the arm back down, moving to the other arm.
Shoulders & Arms
- 33. Triceps Dip: Get seated near a step or bench. Sit on the floor with knees slightly bent, and grab the edge of the elevated surface and straighten the arms. Bend them to a 90-degree angle, and straighten again while the heels push towards the floor. For some extra fire, reach the right arm out while lifting the left leg.
- 34. Diamond Push-Up: Jay-Z would approve.These push-ups get pimped out with a diamond-shaped hand position (situate them so that the thumbs and index fingers touch). This hand readjustment will give those triceps some extra (burning) love.
- 35. Boxer: Time to make Muhammad Ali proud. Starting with feet hip-width apart and knees bent, keep the elbows in and extend one arm forward and the other arm back. Hug the arms back in and switch arms — like you’re in the ring!
- 36. Shoulder Stabilization Series (I, Y, T, W O): OK, it may look crazy, but stay with us. Lie down on your stomach with arms extended overhead and palms facing each other. Move the arms into each letter formation. (Gimme a Y, you know you want to!).
- 37. Arm Circles: Remember P.E. class? Stand with arms extended by the sides, perpendicular to the torso. Slowly make clockwise circles for about twenty to thirty seconds (about one foot in diameter). Then reverse the movement, going counter-clockwise.
- 38. L Seat: Take a load off (well not exactly). Seated with the legs extended and feet flexed, place the hands on the floor and slightly round the torso. Then, lift the hips off the ground, hold for five seconds and release. Repeat!
- 39. Rotational Push-Up: Standard push-ups not cutting it? For a variation, after coming back up into a starting push-up position, rotate the bodyto the right and extend the right hand overhead, forming a T with the arms and torso. Return to the starting position, do a normal push-up, then rotate to the left.
- 40. Dynamic Prone Plank: Starting in a standard plank position, raise the hips as high as they can go, then lower them back down. Continue this movement for as long as possible. Make sure the back stays straight and the hips don’t droop.
- 41. Flutter Kick: Start lying on your back with arms at your sides and palms facing down. With legs extended, lift the heels off the floor (about six inches). Make quick, small up-and-down pulses with the legs, while keeping the core engaged. Try to keep kickin’ it for a minute straight!
- 42. Bicycle: Lie down with knees bent and hands behind the head. With the knees in toward the chest, bring the right elbow towards the left knee as the right leg straightens. Continue alternating sides (like you’re pedaling!). Just keep the helmet in the closet.
- 43. Crunch: Before anyone’s crowned Cap’n Crunch, remember form is key. Lie on your back with the knees bent and feet flat on the floor. With hands behind the head,place the chin down slightly and peel the head and shoulders off the mat while engaging the core. Continue curling up until the upper back is off the mat. Hold briefly, thenlower the torso back toward the mat slowly.
- 44. Segmental Rotation: Target those obliques. Lying on your back with your knees bent and core tight, let the knees fall gradually to the left(feeling a good stretch). Hold for five seconds, return to center, and repeat on the right side.
- 45. Shoulder Bridge: Lie on your back with the knees bent and feet hip-width apart. Place arms at your side and lift up the spine and hips. Only the head, feet, arms, and shoulders should be on the ground. Then lift one leg upwards, keeping the core tight. Slowly bring the leg back down, then lift back up. Try to do 10 reps per leg, then bring the knee in place and spine back on the floor.
- 46. Single Leg Abdominal Press: Lie on your back with the knees bent and feet on the floor. Tighten the abs and raise the right leg, with the knee and hip bent at a 90-degree angle.Push the right hand on top of the lifted knee,using the core to create pressure between the hand and knee. Hold for five counts, and then lower back down torepeat with the left hand and knee.
- 47. Double Leg Abdominal Press: Two legs is twice the fun. Follow the same run-down for the single leg press (above), but bring up both legs at the same time, pushing the hands against the knees.
- 48. Side Plank: Roll to the side and come up on one foot and elbow. Make sure the hips are lifted and the core is engaged, and hang tight for 30-60 seconds (or as long as you can stomach!).
- 49. Sprinter Sit-Up: Want to be a speed demon without getting off the floor? Lie on your back with the legs straight and arms by your side — elbows bent at a 90-degree angle. Now sit up, bringing the left knee toward the right elbow. Lower the body and repeat on the other side.
- 50. Russian Twist: Sit on the floor with knees bent and feet together, lifted a few inches off the floor. With the back at a 45-degree angle from the ground, move the arms from one side to another in a twisting motion. Here, slow and steady wins the race: The slower the twist, the deeper the burn. Feel like a fitness czar yet?
Neck & Shoulders
- Hatha Yoga for Neck and Shoulder Health - 57 Min
- Yoga for Neck and Shoulder Tension and Injuries - 14 Min
- Feel Good Friday: Yoga for Neck & Shoulders - 14 Min
- Back to School Shoulder Stretches - Yoga Sequence - 6 Min
- Yoga for Your Shoulders 10 Minute Workout Routine - 10 Min
- Beginners’ Yoga for Shoulder Strength with Melissa McLeod - 22 Min
- Yoga Workout Beginners Home Chest & Shoulders Exercise Routine How To - 11 Min
- Yoga for Heart Opening - 10 Min
- Heart Opening 30 Min Yoga Class - 31 Min
- Heart Chakra Yoga Sequence - 10 Min
- Yoga for Firm and Shapely Arms and Shoulders - 9 Min
- Arm Yoga Workout - 4 Min
- Total Body Transformation Yoga: Hips and Arms - 11 Min
- Yoga For Arm Strength: Part One (8Min) & Part Two (2 Min)
- Yoga For Guitar Players — Arms, Wrists, and Fingers - 8 Min
- Yoga for Back Strength - 7 Min
- Yin Yoga for the Spine - 60 Min
- Restorative Yoga For Back - Restoraflow - 40 Min
- Yoga for Back Care - 15 Min
- Yoga Workout | Low Back Pain Stretches Routine - 10 Min
- Yoga for your back - 19 Min
- Lower Back Relief - 17 Min
- Yoga 4 Abs with Gillian B & Sebastian - 10 Min
- Yoga for Abs and Core Strength - 8 Min
- Yoga Abs Workout - 10 Min
- Iron Yoga Abs & Closing Stretches - 15 Min (Note: Includes weights. If you dont have weights, use a can from the pantry or something similar.)
- Yoga to Build Strong Abs - 7 Min
- Hip Opening Yoga - 45 Min
- Yoga Flow Hip Openers - 14 Min
- Wall Yoga for Hips and Hamstrings - 12 Min
- Yoga for Hip Pain and Stiffness - 17 Min
- Butt, Hips & Thighs Warm up - 7 Min
- Yoga Mania: Move those hips! - 12 Min
- Office Yoga: Hip Release - 10 Min
- Yoga for your Butt - 6 Min
- Yoga Tone your Butt and Thighs - 4 Min
- Denise Austin: Yoga Legs Workout - 10 Min
- Gentle Yoga for Tight Legs and Hips - 20 Min
- Yoga for Sexy Legs - 6 Min
- Sleek Yoga Legs - 4 Min
Full Body/Full Classes:
- Jillian Michaels: Yoga Meltdown Level 1 - 35 Min
- Weight Loss & Fatburning Yoga Workout - 20 Min
- Yoga for Weight Loss - 20 Min
- Yoga for Runners - 26 Min
- Foundations in Flow Yoga Class with Fiji McAlpine - 48 Min
- Connections to Core Power Yoga Class with Fiji McAlpine - 57 Min
- Energizing Sunrise Practice - 38 Min
- Power Yoga with Bryan Jones - 31 Min
- Yoga Class with Logynn Northrhip - 60 Min
- Yoga Basics to Improve Alignment - 62 Min
- Yoga for Beginners Two with Dr. Melissa West - 60 Min
- Intermediate/Beginner: Lunch Time Yoga Class - 45 Min